Friday, November 18, 2011

Scuttling 'ships - N/G-S

I ship Nagini/Gryf-Sword.

Nagini and the Gryffindor Sword had a brief, sensual whirlwind christmas vacation romance (during Harry's second year) up until the Sword was pulled away by Harry in his hour of need against the Basilisk. But the Sword wasn't careful in this strange snake that it found itself thrusting into. And shortly thereafter, the Basilisk died. The Sword was wracked with guilt and remorse that not only had it caused the death of a relative of Nagini's line, but also that it had inadvertently cheated on it's lady-love (albeit at Harry's insistence - meddlesome boy!).
The years passed and the Gryffindor Sword kept itself apart from the it's magical artifact peers, locked in a glass trophy case in the Headmaster's office, never knowing yet always wondering what it's lady-love was up to.
When the Hogwarts Battle came, Nagini yearned to enter the castle proper and find her true love, but she had to obey her Master.
When the Sword was called upon by the 'Hero' Neville Longbottom, it could not believe it - there was it's lady-love. And in their desperation to be with each other again, they threw caution to the wind, and in that fateful moment, the Sword kissed it's lady-love and took it's next victim in that heartbeat.

Now? Now the Sword sits gathering dust, allowing nobody near to buff, shine and polish it. Allows nobody to clean off the stain of all that is left of it's lady-love. None come near but for the Sorting Hat and the last suit of armour, to drink to fallen friends, comrades, suits...and lost lady-loves.

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

Scuttling 'ships - RL/HG

Remus is old enough to be her father. Seeing as he is the same age as Harry's parents and Harry is a year younger than Hermione. If we ignore the age difference because apparently teacher/student relationships aren't squicky in the Wizarding World, or perhaps they're out of school or time travel is involved or SOMETHING relevant has occured...

Remus is on the Light side, a bookworm, prefect, Gryffindor and is close to Harry. These are about the only things he has in common with Hermione. In point of fact, he accepts his lot in life and doesn't attempt to fight for the rights of werewolves. However Hermione is always up in arms about S.P.E.W or muggleborn rights, or how it's totally barbaric to do any number of Wizarding things.

Now. Going off what we know of Hermione, she's had a schoolgirl crush on Gilderoy Lockhart, so we know she's somewhat shallow when it comes to what she wants in a man. Lupin in that regard is somewhat greying, balding and scarred from his stressful life as a werewolf, poor man. Anything beyond that where Hermione's interests are concerned are merely psycho babble and speculation, (due to the train-wreck of the Hermione/Ron 'ship) but what we do know is that she is attracted to beauty and/or idiocy. Neither of which Lupin portrays. Yet Krum did. And Ron did too, in eye-bleeding amounts. Also while figuring out that he is a werewolf we learn that she is intuitive to his secrets, of which he has many as we know very little of his life prior to the series and during it, for that matter. As a private person, one would think that Remus would not want people to pry into his personal life. He did not seem particularly happy that Hermione, a thirteen year old witch, figured him out after a few months (when Snape set the essay).

Going from what little we know of Lupin, he is a caring father, a family friend, a best friend and an excellent professor, though he did focus mostly on dangerous magical "Dark" creatures (as did Hagrid for that matter...) and not so much on spells. He is virtually penniless, a charity case of Dumbledore's, has no real qualifications due to being a werewolf, he's intelligent and quick thinking, loyal to a fault and follows rules - which we know Hermione does not.

Once one sands down this 'ship to it's bare boards, it shows this: These two are not compatible, but somebody, somewhere, thinks that having all one's Dark secrets ferreted out by somebody who is young enough to be one's daughter, is plausible grounds for a relationship... are you high?

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

Hotel Azkaban

Hotel Azkaban, a one star vacation for all your Dark Magic-user needs, stop over night and be treated to an 8 o'clock morning wake up call by whichever Dark Lord is on call at the time.

Rooms are a tad nippy, 4m x 4m, sparsely furnished with an onyx and granite decoration with metal finishing, they boast an ocean view of the North Sea.
Room service is slightly sub par, but at these prices quality isn't a given.

Notable guests to Hotel Azkaban include Sirius Black, mass murderer; Bellatrix Lestrange, insane right hand of the late Dark Lord Voldemort; Percival Dumbledore, blood purist and muggle baiter; Rubeus Hagrid, half giant and Keeper of Keys and Grounds at Hogwarts.

Come in and rest for a while and when you go we hope you leave behind many a good memory.

Hotel Azkaban. Here for Darkness. Here to stay.

Saturday, October 29, 2011

Scuttling 'ships - Drarry > Drapple

As far as the author goes doing her teenage relationships, this is by far a more reliable outcome of the main character's education. For instance, he's had a lot more interaction with his school rival, more so than he has with the wallflower character. In point of fact, most teenage males tease and belittle the object of their desire, (which is a point in the favour of the MC/SR relationship) and these two are always "at each other's throats". Seeing the chemistry between them as the MC is placed into the rival house of the SR, it has become rather clear to those in the know (MC/SR shippers) that if they were in the same house - for instance if the MC had not argued with the sorting process - then this would have eventually evolved into a relationship or some description of courting process, as the SR is practically nobility and portrayed as such.

As a small touch and go explanation, not covering everything but what stands out to mind:
HP1 -
Flying lessons: 'Buck and Doe syndrome', ie showing off for the object of your affection. Both of which do so to differing extremes.
Midnight duel: SR trying to evaluate if the MC was able to take care of himself.
HP2 -
Duelling Club: Both are trying to show off that they've learnt more since the first attempt at a duel. SR shows him his snake and the MC shows off his prowess with handling said snake. Frankly, twelve years old is a tad TOO EARLY to be dealing with this sort of innuendo.
HP3 -
The MC didn't seem very keen on saving the rampant magical creature after it slashed up the SR.
HP4 -
The MC and SR have a small stand off where the SR attempts to curse him behind his back, after his misguided attempt to persuade the MC to drop out of the tournament ("I don't think you'll last ten minutes" in which a lot goes unsaid because the MC cuts him off).
HP5 -
The SR joins an extra curricular group designed to keep the MC and the rest of the school in check. The run-ins between the two with the SR trying to catch out the MC and does at one point, physically man handling him.
HP6 -
The MC pities the SR for his lot in life and tries to prevent him from doing something he'd regret (like murdering the Kindly Old Man/Manipulative Headmaster, depending on your fancy).
HP7 -
SR was unwilling to identify the MC as he would have been killed.
MC didn't have to, but he saved the SR's life in the "mysterious fire".
MC and SR are strangely respectful and nod to each other in the Epilogue.

It's an apple. It's incapable of feeling. Emotional or physical. What are you... high? (O_o)

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

The Facebook Challenge

So, on the Tuesday night, I received a challenge from a friendly Residential Advisor (RA) in my building, for me to spend 24hrs off Facebook, and not post or comment or like or lurk or anything - as I'm rather well known for spamming updates (and even have a few groups and Pages dedicated to that fact) - starting at 6pm that night. There are several main reasons why I accepted:
1) I'm always up for a challenge;
2) I did need an excuse/motivation to learn lines/lyrics for an audition in a few weeks;
3) The RA? She's really, really attractive. XD
4) I was curious as to whether anyone would notice the lull in updates.

In my time off of Facebook, [A] I managed to learn an entire song, cues and dynamics included, "Reviewing the Situation" from Oliver! - the Ron Moody version. He's such a tops Fagin. Haha.
[B] I also spent a goodly amount of time lying in the carpark, staring at the sky and listening to the nocturnal wildlife, not to mention slowly being swallowed up by the fog bank that's always present around midnight in this area.
[C] Around 3am, I went back inside, watched a movie, puttered about on Twitter/Tagged/Bebo/Myspace/Google+.
[D] Made breakfast (noodles, porridge and mocha coffee... if you care) and went back outside to the car park to eat and watch the sun come up. Mostly because I could... and because I've nothing better to do (I'm on holidays, but still mooching about on campus in the residential buildings).
[E] That brought me up to around 8am, whereas I propped myself up against a concrete block in a park bay and greeted every passer-by. Including the attractive RA that started the whole deal (Google your name, see what comes up. This is why I keep things very... name-less)
[F] Worked out, slept, woke up around 4pm.
[G] Went to the store to pick up batteries, cordial (I'm making icy cups! :D), and some assorted bobkins.
[H] Ran into a friend on the way back, hung out for a short while, then stared at my laptop as this was now 6.12pm and I was able to go onto Facebook if I felt like it.
[I] Found out friend was on campus for a party. So I shut down my laptop and decided to gate crash the party. Got away with it too. Cause I'm awesome and everyone loves me. Trufax.

After spending 24hrs off Facebook, I came back to (only) 44 notifications. It should have been more but one of my older friends tipped folk off that I wasn't dead, and that I was doing a challenge. I know she meant well, the little old dear, but she did kind of kill the anticipated spam I was looking forward to. *awkward slanty face* In any case, I didn't rejoin Facebook until around midnight, except for a few short messages sent from my phone to the tune of "Nyerh... I don't want to be on Facebook for a while."

Which, for me... (Kieran of "Kieran's Spam", "Kieran should stop killing my notifications", "Kieran Evans should stop clogging up my home page") is a scary, scary notion.

Sunday, October 23, 2011

Scuttling 'ships - N/L

Now. Neville/Luna, however, are another story entirely.

Luna is an outcast in her house due to being different and dreamy and her Ravenclaw classmates find her flighty and they don't think she should be one of them. They constantly tease her "Loony Lovegood", steal/hide her things, generally makes her time at Hogwarts not particularly enjoyable. In fact, she's not even mentioned until the fifth book, not even in passing.

Neville Longbottom, possible Boy-Who-Lived, outcast in Gryffindor, not generally (excepting PoA) intentional, but in his year Harry, Hermione and Ron are the Golden Trio as Seamus and Dean are both depicted as some kind of Casanova wanna-be's in most lines of plots and usually are seen around/with Parvati Patil and Lavender Brown. Which leaves... nobody to hang out with Neville.

Enter OOTP with the DA, suddenly these two outcasts are around people in a close-knit environment but are still somewhat outside the cliques. As it is, they have the chance to get to know each other better, to partner up in the DA and to generally fall haphazardly, and socially awkwardly in love with each other.

As most teenage relationships are supposed to, and do, happen.

Because that's the way it works.

Scuttling 'ships - H/G & R/Hr

I will read anything so long as the story-line has a decent, well thought out and non-nonsensical explanation for how the people in the relationship get together, for how they are attracted to each other.

For instance:
Main Character randomly decides that he loves wallflower-character, who the MC has never really noticed before nor shown much inclination to care all that much about apart from a few hallway greetings or the odd get well card received from the w-c.

^ This reeks of love potion spiking.

Or even:
Male-sidekick teases and belittles female-nerd constantly. They constantly fight and their arguments are apparently legendary in their dorms. The only things they have in common is that: A) They are both friends with the MC; B) They can both do a certain skill - in this case magic; and C) They are both in the same general vicinity - in this case Gryffindor.

^ This isn't a case of "opposites attract", it's more of a "If these two people dated, I would be concerned for the psychological damage that the f-n had suffered at the hands/tongue of the m-s, through constant name calling, verbal abuse and extortion of her mind (stealing homework)."

That's canon-HP Harry/Ginny and Ron/Hermione, if you're wondering.

It. makes. no. sense.

Nor is it explained very well. Evidently, JKR much as she is a wonderful person and brilliant author, failed in the regard of teenage relationships. If you argue constantly with someone you're dating or are apparently infatuated with that doesn't mean you like them. Generally it means that you're either A) an argumentative prick or B) you both consistently find fault with the other and must constantly attack them. So, this isn't a good relationship and is actually fairly verbally abusive.

It should end. Now.